So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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