If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
