Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
