I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
