I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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