honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
