Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize