:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
