Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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