ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
