i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
