69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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