I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
