Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
