peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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