The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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