What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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