either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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