You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
