go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
