My first STD was from a foam party
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
