So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
