wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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