he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
