hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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