it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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