Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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