theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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