dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
