i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
