He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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