this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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