i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My ass is underappreciated
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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