Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
