I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize