Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
