She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
