gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
