It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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