I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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