At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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