He kissed a someone with a penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my poor anus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
