It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
