Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
