Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
