her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
