halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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