Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
