In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
