I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
