are you still at the devil's house?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
