I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
