ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
