can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
