we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
