I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
