and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
