If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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