And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
