i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
