Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
