Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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