so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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