Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
