we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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