Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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