I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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