I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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