he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
