Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Mom said you looked used
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
