I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize