just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
