She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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