My nipple is on Facebook.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
