Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
