This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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