dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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