even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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